Reworking

I think I have lost something cool about myself in order to be cooler. The other day one of my Antarctican friends told me that when he met me he thought I was "too cool for school." Which I thought was hilarious, because me? My friends and I were literally called "The Nerd Herd" in middle school. And I didn't really care. (Actually I did care, because I was in middle school.) But I suppose I have learned how to project a certain hipness, a certain indifference and cynicism and love for celebrity fashion blogs (why?). But I think all this hip is bad for the soul. It's like smoking--it looks good, and it feels good, but it rots you slowly.

I was thinking about this because I am thinking about working with teenagers again and I'm not sure I have the same inner security that I used to and that you need to work with teenagers. Do I want to be a role model? I drink a lot.

Hopefully will regain bearings once I am back on a continent that is less weird. Ok.

On a kind of related note, yesterday I bought a t-shirt that says "You don't have to be crazy to work here...We'll train you!" with a big picture of Antarctica. So true.

Professional dispatcher

I think I may be working as a dispatcher in Yosemite this summer! I talked to the people and they sounded stoked, I am stoked, I get to live in a cabin in Yosemite, yes sir. Love it.

Things I do like

1. Mexican food day in the mess hall
2. The view of Mt. Discovery from my back deck
3. Firemen and women
4. Free yoga classes
5. The fact that it's snowing right now

more things I am sure

Things I don't like

Has some engaged dude ever followed you into the bathroom and tried to make out with you on your birthday while you were trying to peacefully drink champagne out of a can in a hut in Antarctica? Well, I hate it when that happens. Because really, the more he says "But it wouldn't mean anything!" the more I think oh good, I would mean so little to you that I could be one of those neat footnotes you tell your buds at the bachelor party and never even feel guilty about because I am that special thanks. Except not, because I said Hell no buddy, and then locked the bathroom door behind me with dignity and grace.

Note to engaged guys: maybe your fiance would not find out. Maybe she wouldn't even care. But I'm not really looking to start relationships of any kind with guys who have made a promise to only love some other woman for the rest of their life.

This is not meant in any way to judge you, if engaged guys are your thing.

Nightshift

It is official: I have become a boring person. All I do with my life is watch movies on the TV in the middle of the night. Sometimes I do Rosetta Stone Spanish too. Either way it is not an interesting thing to tell stories about. Someday I will stop being a nightshift worker and see other people again. That time is not now.

Millions of condoms

They ship millions of condoms to Antarctica. I am discovering why very slowly, but as the season drags on I learn more and more little secrets about people sneaking off and doing it. I think half the firehouse has mated with the other half. I hope this ends up producing a firehouse baby, which will be large, boisterous, and hopefully not slapping anybody in the nuts.

Now that no one reads this anymore

I am thinking about staying here for the winter. Is that crazy? It's a little crazy. Perhaps I will change my mind. Perhaps no one will hire me for the winter. But! This Antarctic lifestyle is growing on me. It's growing so familiar. I chain smoke. I drink vodka. I see the same people in the dining hall. Other people cook all my meals.  I hang out with Kirk the Destroyer and he tells me about the stripper he dated when he was 15.

There's something appealing about staying here for the 24 hours a day of darkness. There are only 200 people on the base, stuck in a building in the coldest winter in the world. Why don't they kill each other? Do they start to run around naked in the snow? Do the men steal the women from each other, and does the community scratch out someone's eyes ritually every month? I want to feel what it's like to be insane.

Then again, this may be the worst idea I have ever had and I may not go through with it. In which case, backpacking New Zealand here I come!..in March.